Finding Myself

Well, things here are still just chugging along, still in the transitional phase (which, by the way, doesn't appear to be ending any time soon). However, I am getting more settled into my work sites!  Courtney, the Cap Corps volunteer who has been here for two years already, was recently offered a job at Cantera and therefore will be staying at least one more year after her Cap Corps commitment ends in January! Aaaand, the position that she is taking works with donors and also with delegations! Which means that we will be working together on a lot of stuff! So I'm really looking forward to that. Our first item of business is updating the English version of the Cantera website, blog, Facebook, etc. in order to provide our donors with more up-to-date information.

I have also been spending a lot of time at the Cantera office in Mateare.  I sort of have my feet in a lot of little things right now, but am anxiously waiting to find my niche/role within the center/community.  I am finding that this also takes time. However, one thing that they would like me to concentrate on for now is the "Libros para Ninos" (Books for Kids) program, in which the teens from our center organize themselves and go to a different community each week to read to kids.  I'm sure I will share more about that in the future, but for now here's a couple pics of today's reading session:

The group before we left (with a few of the kids from the center)

Reading :) Because kids show up at different times,

we've found that it works best to split up and read to smaller groups.

I also prefer this because it gives me a chance to interact 

with the kids and to make it a little more personal. :)

Now for a little on what I've been contemplating recently..   In our weekly community reflection on Sunday, we talked about empowerment, which led to a discussion on our own power or powerlessness.  This is a common thing to reflect on when working with people who come from a much different place then ourselves, regarding education, finance, and culture in general. There have definitely been little instances since I've been here that I have felt that my privileges have created an uncomfortable power dynamic with the people I'm around, but in our reflection, I found myself thinking more about the ways I am powerless.  

In a lot of ways, I am currently completely reliant on others--sometimes my community members, local coordinator, or supervisor at work, and other times whoever is sitting next to me on the bus and can patiently explain where I need to get off in order to catch the next bus.  As a person who appreciates a routine and planning ahead, I feel extremely powerless in my inability to make (or keep) a schedule. "Nica time" is generally 15-20 minutes behind schedule, but it's also pretty common to make a plan (sometimes months in advance) and not stick to it whatsoever. For me, it's a combination of being flexible and spontaneous.. usually just "flying by the seat of mt pants", and I rely a lot on my co-workers to communicate their schedules and be as flexible with me as possible. I also often feel powerless when trying to communicate or express myself in Spanish.  Most of the time my reflections are very elementary, simply due to my lack of vocabulary.  It is also difficult to really relate on a deeper level with someone with the language barrier, so I've struggled some with that.  All of these limitations leave me feeling frustrated and powerless, but hopefully once I am more comfortable with Spanish and with the Nicaraguan culture, I will become more comfortable and confident in general. There's definitely a sense of "finding myself" again, after being up-rooted and placed in such a new and different place.

In the mean time, I would like to share with you a prayer we used in reflection that has been particularly helpful for me in this time of uncertainty/transition. Thank you for your continued prayers and support. Know that I am constantly thinking about you all and praying that you are also blessed with discomfort and restlessness, as that is what brings us to the feet of Jesus.

O God,
Who am I now?
Once, I was secure,
     in familiar territory,
     in my sense of belonging
unquestioning of
     the norms of my culture
     the assumptions built into my lanugage
     the values shared by my society.
But now you have called me out and away from home
and I do not know where you are leading.
I am empty, unsure, uncomfortable.
     I have only a beckoning star to follow.
Journeying God,
pitch your tent with mine.
so that I may not become deterred
by hardship, strangeness, doubt.
Show me the movement I must make
    toward a wealth not dependent on posessions
    toward a wisdom not based on books
    toward a strength not bolstered by might
    toward a God not confined to heaven
but scandalously earthed, poor, unrecognized.
Help me to find myself
as I walk in others' shoes.

Kate Compston, England, 1990
John1:14; Hebrews 13:13-14